“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.” 
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Couples Therapy
All partnerships go through difficulties at some time or another. For people in a relationship this can be caused by recent or sudden changes or long-standing issues. There is often a sense of imbalance and conflicts don't reach a resolution. If left unaddressed, over time this can lead to growing resentment, inappropriate behaviors, increased tension, lack of intimacy, poor communication, or infidelity.

It is common for both partners in a relationship to feel that their perspective is the "right one" during these phases. For each side, it's often clear "what the problem is." However, there may not be consensus on the solution, or in some cases agreement on what the problem actually is. What's harder for partners in a relationship to see is how their participation in the dynamic can contribute to "the problem." 

In couples therapy, the first thing I focus on is finding common ground. In developing a partnership with any couple, we use the assumption that we are working towards a common goal: improving the state of the relationship and elevating interactions to a healthier and more satisfying state. 

I work honestly with couples giving communications that I believe are important for moving forward. Equally important is the experience of being heard both by me but also the other partner. This empathy and reflection is critical. As humans we may intellectually understand something, but our "feeling" of the situation can override our good sense at times. Working with these feelings are just as important as statements that are made. The emotional experience of each partner colors and shapes the motivation, connection, and transformation of the relationship. 
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Therefore, while often times couples come with the thought that one partner is the "problem," I see the problem as existing BETWEEN the partners. Couples therapy is focused on the dynamic between both partners and it is this effort that makes the most impact. 

Some examples of things I help couples with include:

  • Helping couples rediscover their love
  • Reconnecting after an emotional injury
  • Teaching couples to overcome Trauma 
  • Getting unstuck and evolving relationships
  • Clarifying values and family planning
  • Developing healthy interactions when there are significant brain differences between partners (e.g. ADHD, Asperger's)
  • Addressing sexual concerns: Creating intimacy in the bedroom and beyond
  • Working together on consistent parenting techniques
Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. 
  ― Lily Tomlin